I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
