guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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