I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
