I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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