I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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