No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
