I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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