If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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