I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
