I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
