remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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