you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
