Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
