He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize