Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
