So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Pants are for mortals
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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