im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
