ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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