I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
