i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
