no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
