1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?