i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
