she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
