am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
