I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
