I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
