she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
