I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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