The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
