I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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