if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
