I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
