It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
