I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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