Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
