I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
