Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
