I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
