what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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