OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
