): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
