$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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