Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
