I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
