I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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