I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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