remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize