you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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