my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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