I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
