I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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