she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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