I smell stomach acid.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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