last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
