I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
