10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
