you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
