she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
