I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
