Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
