Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
