How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
