oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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