I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
