do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
