True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
