Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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