It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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