I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
