wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
