please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
