I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?