I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.