Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned

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  (973): My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned http://tfl.nu/s0bf
  Replies (19) Good night (3667) Bad night (804)
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  (323): View more from California

  If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"

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  (323): If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina" http://tfl.nu/xi2d
  Replies (19) Good night (2821) Bad night (952)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.

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  (773): If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time. http://tfl.nu/xdpc
  Replies (14) Good night (4906) Bad night (791)
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  (628): View more from California

  i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me

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  (628): i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me http://tfl.nu/vt02
  Replies (40) Good night (2145) Bad night (4788)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there

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  (713): well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there http://tfl.nu/feia
  Replies (19) Good night (640) Bad night (5393)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.

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  (912): She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious. http://tfl.nu/k9y8
  Replies (15) Good night (1034) Bad night (4307)
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  (845): View more from New York

  it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we

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  (845): it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we http://tfl.nu/wm4n
  Replies (11) Good night (3853) Bad night (1023)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me

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  (845): Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me http://tfl.nu/lgfh
  Replies (9) Good night (3167) Bad night (888)
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  (315): View more from New York

  He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.

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  (315): He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like. http://tfl.nu/nq61
  Replies (6) Good night (983) Bad night (3076)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.

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  (306): I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious. http://tfl.nu/psu6
  Replies (3) Good night (1159) Bad night (651)
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  (831): View more from California

  Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...

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  (831): Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone... http://tfl.nu/6t56
  Replies (2) Good night (928) Bad night (497)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina

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  (267): All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina http://tfl.nu/o3rx
  Replies (11) Good night (1473) Bad night (415)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer

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  (425): My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer http://tfl.nu/p8ct
  Replies (2) Good night (941) Bad night (269)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  We're going to party like we don't have spanx on

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  (517): We're going to party like we don't have spanx on http://tfl.nu/7l0f
  Replies (0) Good night (559) Bad night (447)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner

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  (281): Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner http://tfl.nu/2e25
  Replies (3) Good night (209) Bad night (525)

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