the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.