It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
