Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.