It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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