i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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