My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
