He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
